lake effect snow is a filthy phrase

Imagine getting to work on what should be just another ordinary day and discovering you have zero access to ANY email--work-related or otherwise--and limited access to some of your favorite websites due to an insane Nazi-like filter that doesn't even work. I can access Toothpaste for Dinner, but not Natalie Dee. I can read Savage Love, but not The Onion. Of course, I shouldn't be reading any of those whilst at work, but thanks to this latest "upgrade" the public internet stations are down as well so there is no one here and very little to do. I should be grateful I'm not locked out of blogger--which is weird. I can also read comments on MySpace (but not messages) so feel free to contact me there. Especially tonight. And probably tomorrow. No one seems to know when or how this will all be resolved.

Life without the internets is not a life worth living.

Happy 1 year of public blogging to me! What is most amazing is how effective this little exercise ended up being. I started blogging to get me to write more and indeed I am now writing more. I ain't gonna be writing novels any time soon, but I do have one little poem I'm awfully proud to have written. And I'm getting more interested in writing essays ala Sarah Vowell. I was just reminded that I have a big ol'check coming my way thanks to the re-negotiation of the union contract and I'm seriously considering purchasing a laptop. Though I wouldn't get internet access at home the prospect of spending hours at Lemonjellos using their free wireless and getting jacked up on Love Buzz makes me ecstatic.

Life continues to move. I had a very successful fitting on Monday that knocked my socks off. Unfortunately, I still have a ton of stuff to do...like, uh, make the costume. If I hadn't had a nervous breakdown my work would be done but as this little show opens 2 weeks from tonight and all I got is some perfectly fitting muslin garments, I'm not anticipating having much of life anytime soon. I continue to be tired all the time. I also continue to eat horribly and not exercise. This project has reminded me why I got out of this business in the first place. You do not have a life outside of the show. Everything is about the show. The world will come to an end if the show isn't perfect. The show the show the show the show. I hate it. Honestly, it's School for Scandal in the studio theatre at Hope College. Who.cares.

Snow keeps falling from the sky. Last I heard we were somewhere around 10 inches with no end in sight. Plus it's going to be about 7 degrees this weekend. For a brief moment yesterday, the sun made an appearance. It was glorious. But right now I'd give my cat for a warm and sunny day.

As I didn't have a chance to blog yesterday, I want to make sure I give a big old shout-out Happy Birthday to the most amazing Dad in the world. I miss you more than these words could ever adequately express. I am so fortunate to have such a wise individual in my life who continues to inspire and encourage me. I love you!

i blame not having seen the sun in over a week

I would venture to say this has been the worst week I have had in ages. Eons. Forever. Aside from the diagnosis that I'm most likely not suffering from a fatigue-like disease at all but rather depression, I am surrounded by people who are suffering as well. Family and friends alike. I feel helpless and weak and impotent. Today was the first day this week I awoke with a tad bit of hope that eventually the bell jar will lift.

I did not watch the State of the Union.
Nor did I hear first hand what was nominated for the Oscars.
And quite honestly, I do not care much about either right now.

I have been reading quite a bit. I continue to pick up the Prose and I've started reading poetry again with a vengeance. Plus I picked up Ted Kooser's The Poetry Home Repair Manual because nothing says "Hey, I'm depressed!" like a bunch of poorly written poetry. What a catch 22. Nothing says "Hey, I can write poetry!" like an onset of depression. Regardless, some of you will be pleased to know that I am indeed writing. It's really interesting and really hard and everything I've written this week needs to sit and marinate for about 3 or 4 weeks. The verdict on the validity of said writing will wait until then.

Operation Project Runway continues. It was temporarily derailed, but thanks to the best faculty advisor in the world, I'm back on track. I was reminded that I have a tendency to look at the big picture and want to fix it all at once when what I need to do is take it one step at a time and not forget to ask for help.

And that would be the exact same advice I just received from the best parents in the world in regards to My Life.

Tonight I'm taking a young man out to supper to thank him for holding my hand and reading my bad poetry and driving me to work and watching About Schmidt and getting excited about the delicious mess known as Harry Potter and going to a funeral with me and just being him.

Then we have to attend visiting hours.
Molly's Dad passed away Wednesday night.

Did I mention this was the worst week I've had in a very long time?

Tomorrow morning I'm at the shop at 9am until the funeral at 1pm. Depending upon how that all goes I'm either heading back to the shop or an afternoon of frivolity is in order. I'm thinking Pan's Labyrinth and maybe picking up tickets for the Reverend Horton Heat concert in early March. Sunday morning is looking like fitting time and then it's Monday again.

May this week prove to be better than the last.

i am so exhausted from writing haiku and free verse all day

I know I'm some kind of political freak, but I'm really glad to see the Democratic Primary Season heat up especially given that it's going to be a minority smackdown. With Clinton's "I'm a warm and fuzzy and nice and caring woman" announcement this weekend coupled with Richardson's "What the hell. I'm in" and Obama's "It's not really an announcement, but it's kind of an announcement and my real announcement is coming" I'm really optimistic about the greatest aspect of democracy: choice. Unlike 2004 where the field was flooded with who-the-hell-are-these-people candidates, we're looking at some certifiable superstars. The first debate is even scheduled. I'm excited. There are a few people I can see as viable options and I just hope the party doesn't screw up yet again and go with an "electable" candidate as opposed to the best candidate. I'm still in the throws of Obamamania, but I'll be looking closely at Richardson, Dodd, Edwards, and Kucinich. I know. Kucinich is dead in the water, but I love him. In a perfect world, he'd get the nomination.

Tomorrow is a big big big big day: Oscar nominations and the State of the Union! Here's my post from last year about the actual Oscars to give you an idea of just how obsessed I get with such things. And here's my SOTU post from last year. I'm actually going into both with lower than usual expectations. Lackluster pretty much sums up 2006 in terms of film--I predict Dreamgirls gets some nods. As will The Departed. I'm optimistic about Children of Men, but pretty sure the director will be Scorcese. And in the SOTU corner, the speech will most likely be rather dull. He's going to have to stay away from Iraq for the most part as Americans aren't too happy with his latest plan. He'll make one more attempt at framing this war as necessary for our security, but he's going to stick with domestic issues that he has no chance in hell of doing anything about. His health care plan sounds like lunacy. Taxing the middle class in order to pay for the uninsured isn't going to be too popular. In case anyone besides me is interested, here's his plan from the SOTU last year regarding health care which you will notice, despite his party being in control of Congress last year, went nowhere. He'll also hit on renewable energy, social security, immigration, and education. Sound familiar? The difference this year will be in the length of time spent not talking about the big huge gaping wound known as Iraq. It will be the lamest of lame duck presidential speeches.

And, of course, I'll be watching.

This afternoon and evening I'll be all Project Runwayed out at the shop in anticipation of my fitting tomorrow night. As I'm having trouble getting motivated for the actual garment or show or even the prospect of my degree, I've decided to pretend that I'm on Project Runway and only have 10 hours to complete my challenge. I shall spend the next 24 hours repeating the mantra "Make it work."

The rest of my weekend was interesting. Thursday night I was asked why I never write poetry. Friday night I was essentially asked the same thing which prompted me to go home and write a poem. It was hard and took a loooong time. Dad? You just gotta start. Just jump in. It doesn't come out right. Not the first time. Not the second time. My little book was all kinds of crossed out. But, after much work, I am actually rather proud of my little poem. I'm also working my way through Reading Like A Writer, which constantly reminds me how much work is put into the art of writing. It doesn't come out finished. There is editing and rewrites and more editing and more rewrites. The important thing to remember? Just write. Don't worry about where it's going or where it will end up. Just. Write.

I also played in my first ever euchre tournament which is so midwestern even I can't believe it. I held my own and despite having major anxiety about the event all afternoon, I actually had a really good time and got to see some people I hadn't seen in a long time. And I watched The Devil Wears Prada, finished Revolutionary Road, and started Battlestar Galactica.

Yup. You read that right. Battlestar Galactica.

i am so not a revengeful person

It's been almost a week?! What?!?!

Sorry about that. I not only have been busy, but I was out sick Monday. I have this overall sick/fatigue/achy/coughing thing that's surfaced. Blood tests are in the works. I'm beginning to think I might just have the flu.

Since it has been so long, I won't bore you with all the details. Here are some highlights:

• The McLaughlin Group is excellent Friday night viewing. Pat Buchanan, though crazy as a loon, might just turn out to be my hero. Here's the transcript of the show I watched.
• Though sickly and tired, I can rally for a night of spirited conversation about politics, mutual love for David Brooks, euchre etiquette, and why marriage just isn't my gig.
• Sometimes 15 hours of sleep isn't enough.
• Especially if you are awakened by G.W.B. saying "If you don't like my plan, then come up with an alternative."
• The Gilmore Girls really is an excellent show.
• But Wonderfalls is even better.
• And Traci? You were right. I'm maybe a little too much like Jaye.
• Scorcese winning best director at the Globes is a disappointing precursor to the Oscars.
• Watching Jim Lehrer interview G.W.B. is deliciously wicked. I'm still trying to figure out why George thought going on NewsHour was a good idea. And if the whole thing was just a big long liberal joke.
• "Little Miss Sunshine" was not a bad movie. There were entertaining elements. But ultimately I thought it was thin. It tried so hard to be an indie film it ceased to be about anything but being an indie film. It was beautifully shot. And the acting was good.
• Being sick-tired is exhausting.

My weekend is already shaping up to be good assuming I can muster the enthusiasm to drag myself out of bed. Friday night I'm having dinner with someone I suspect will quickly reveal herself to be a kindred spirit. Saturday night is a euchre tournament where I'll have to remember not to go alone when I'm 2 points from winning and the other team is down by 6 points. And the weekend may conclude with a covert trip to the Saz for the Burlesque Show and to spy on a coworker out on a date.

In between all of that I'm at the shop.

move along...move along...just another liberal ranting

Didja watch? Huh?! Didja?!

I missed most of it as I get out of work at 9pm on Wednesdays, but I did catch the second half (where I was called a pessimist! How rude!) and watched PBS coverage post-speech.

First of all, who else thinks it was hilarious that he chose to give the speech in the library? I think it was to give the impression that the administration had "studied" the options--that they had spent hours pouring over old texts and looking to learn from past mistakes this country had made in other wars to ensure that the same mistakes were not made again.

Ahem.

He actually looked scared, I thought. Scared and like he might throw up at any moment. He knows. He knows full well that he's going this one alone and is in for a fight.

He started off exactly the way I thought:

"Tonight in Iraq, the armed forces of the United States are engaged in a struggle that will determine the direction of the global war on terror - and our safety here at home. "

The war in Iraq had zero to do with the global war on terror. Zero. Nada. Zip. Why G.W.B. insisted on invading Iraq while Afghanistan (who DOES have to do with his great epic global war) was still not secured, I do not know. Regardless, it is pretty common knowledge now that the mythical weapons of mass destruction never did exist. You created this mess, man. YOU did. Not al Quaeda, not Saddam, and not the Iraqi people. You did it all on your own. So stop. Stop trying to blur the lines of reality. Iraq is and will always be all you.

"Where mistakes have been made, the responsibility rests with me."

No.Way. There it is, folks. Despite using one of my favorite political phrases he eventually takes the blame. I don't know about you but I've been waiting for that since the beginning of this war. Sadly, it's too little too late.

"On September the 11th, 2001, we saw what a refuge for extremists on the other side of the world could bring to the streets of our own cities. For the safety of our people, America must succeed in Iraq."

We absolutely must succeed in Iraq-whatever that means. I agree completely. We leave now and the big vacuum of power that was already created when we removed Saddam will just get bigger and scarier. You lost me when once again you linked 9/11 with Iraq. It's so subtle how this administration has so successfully manipulated the American people into thinking that the two are somehow related. They are not.

"Our troops will have a well-defined mission: to help Iraqis clear and secure neighborhoods, to help them protect the local population, and to help ensure that the Iraqi forces left behind are capable of providing the security that Baghdad needs."

This is not going to work. It worked in Tall Afar, a city of 150,000 people. It will not work in the massive sprawling city of Baghdad. How do we know? History. See, if you had actually looked back to that little war we've been comparing this one to for the past 3 years you would have learned that we tried this exact same tactic in Vietnam and we failed. More importantly, this focus on security instead of diplomacy is the #1 problem with the plan. This war will not be won militarily. It will succeed politically or not at all. You are not only wasting billions and billions of dollars you are putting American soldiers and Iraqi citizens directly in the line of fire. You think we've seen violence this past year? Things are just going to continue to get worse.

"This begins with addressing Iran and Syria. These two regimes are allowing terrorists and insurgents to use their territory to move in and out of Iraq. Iran is providing material support for attacks on American troops. We will disrupt the attacks on our forces. We will interrupt the flow of support from Iran and Syria. And we will seek out and destroy the networks providing advanced weaponry and training to our enemies in Iraq."

And that's just a big old "Fuck you!" to the Iraq Study Group.

"The challenge playing out across the broader Middle East is more than a military conflict. It is the decisive ideological struggle of our time. On one side are those who believe in freedom and moderation. On the other side are extremists who kill the innocent, and have declared their intention to destroy our way of life. In the long run, the most realistic way to protect the American people is to provide a hopeful alternative to the hateful ideology of the enemy - by advancing liberty across a troubled region."

On one side is Islam. On the other side is Christianity. Let the flag waving commence. But seriously, how many times are we going to hear this? We are not going to win an epic ideological war with weapons.

"Acting on the good advice of Senator Joe Lieberman and other key members of Congress, we will form a new, bipartisan working group that will help us come together across party lines to win the war on terror."

Lieberman? You call that bipartisan?!? I'd ask what took you so long to include the party of Cut-and-Run, but I already know the answer. You lost this fall and have no choice but to pay attention to the other side.

"Fellow citizens: The year ahead will demand more patience, sacrifice, and resolve."

We're out of patience. We're sick of sacrificing for this administration's arrogance. And I just hope we have the resolve as citizens of this country to punish you to the full extent of the law for the gross misdeeds you have committed.

back again

Sorry about that, folks! I really am more of a fan of WordPress, but until I can devote the time it's just too darn convenient with the whole google/gmail/blogger conglomeration.

Enraged would describe how I've been feeling the past 48 hours or so. It actually started yesterday morning when I was awakened by the BBC informing me in their oh-so-British-voices that the US was bombing the shit out of an al Quaida training camp in Somalia. How very Wag the Dog of the administration. It's perfectly wonderful timing given that tonight G.W.B. attempts to win back the hearts and minds of the American people. Now he gets to say "War on Terror" and "al Quaida" and "Iraq" fifty thousand times in one speech. Combine that with the intense but apparently successful battle yesterday on Haifa Street in Baghdad and G.W.B. is on his way. Where? I'm not sure, but he seems to think all of this posturing is helping his image. This whole thing is ridiculous. A majority of the American people are against a troop "surge" (I prefer escalation--read this if you're a wordgeek like myself). Add Congress and the Joint Chiefs and you've got G.W.B. standing alone. How typically arrogant him to ignore the will of the majority.

Despite the obvious--which is that I should absolutely positively without a doubt NOT watch this speech tonight at 9pm--I will be there screaming and throwing whatever is within reach at the tv. And so should all of you.

In a somewhat related vein, the other night I saw "Children of Men." Go and see this movie. It is moviemaking at it's best. From editing to script to camera angles to set dressing it is divine. There is so much going on here and so much to think about and talk about. It's violent, but beautiful. The story itself is something you have heard a thousand times before--a reluctant hero and his journey--but it's....just go and see it for yourself. Cuaron (who, for those of you who don't know, directed HP and Prisoner of Azkaban) deserves the Oscar for this one.

Though I have spent the week being angry about things I have no control over (see above), it's actually been pretty good. The training schedule is still on track. I am determined to train for this thing as a beginner given my history of too much+too fast= injury so yesterday found me a tad bit frustrated with a 30 minute run that had me run for 1 minute and then walk for 1 minute. Booooorrrrring! I've also had to get over my whole "if it t'ain't a 30 minute run, t'ain't worth it" mindset as today I ran 1.5 miles. For all ye runners who are interested, this site is really cool. No more using the car to map out routes! Last night I was reintroduced to the beauty of Wonderfalls and reminded why I'm not a Ginsberg fan (except for America. I really do love that poem) so that was good. I'm looking forward to Friday when I'll tea and knit with the lovely Christina and then later will meet up with Michael and hit up Gazelle so I can sign up for the run.

Tonight: speechwatching and going to bed early. This crazy schedule has left me tired just about all the time. I've been asked if I think I have some kind of iron deficiency, but I'm pretty sure I'm just busy. And running again. And not drinking coffee. Which I'm thinking I might reintroduce to my life in small morning quantities. Ms. Malkowski is to be commended for giving up the evil bean, but I miss me my Love Buzz from leMONjellos.

I officially declare my life without coffee to be over.

come and find me

Sorry for not giving anyone the heads up, but I've moved to WordPress!